just going through my head

i used to wonder what i did wrong in order for things to happen the way they did.  and then i started to realize that nothing really went wrong at all.  i always had people there for me at one point.  maybe the people weren't always the same.  maybe some of those people were off and on again in my life.  there are a few who have stuck through and through.  my mother for example.  there are those in the on and off that i would never want to lose for good.  brian being that main one.  and there are the new people.  some newer than others.  and of course i worry about what happens when we fight.  and of course i worry about what they think of me.  but that's just me.  and i know that even if my worries are based on facts, i still have the others.  i still have newer people coming into my life daily.  i might not realize who they are right away.  

lately i've been asking myself, what did i do right to have all of this happen to me now.

i'm not complaining at all

i'm not going to wait for something bad to happen

i'm going to take this all one step at a time and hope for the best outcome

i used to think that it was my duty to keep people together.  to work out their problems with them as some sort of mediator.  i used to think that because i could help everyone else out that i couldnt help myself and that is why i always failed so horribly with friends and relationships.  and i used to think that when my parents split up and i couldnt stop it, that i had failed in my only reason for living

i used to think all of that

now i just think that i'm lucky to have all of these people in my life

thanks to all of you